One Last Time

I thought this letter-writing thing was going to be easy, but I guess it's not always that way. I have so many feelings to express that I have no idea where to begin. I never expected to feel this way toward you; to be honest, I tried not to fall in love with you. But it got me, it sure got me good. Now that I don't have you, I need you more than ever! I read a quote somewhere once that said, "It's not missing you now that kills me, it's knowing that I had you in my life once that does." That is so absolutely true. But what's really bothering me is that I can't tell you how I feel.

I made the choice to let you go in the worst possible way. I screwed up so badly, and I don't blame you for never wanting to speak to me or for hating me as much as you probably do right now. You said some pretty nasty things to me, but I don't hold it against you. I could have said a few worse things if I were in your case. I don't really know! I'm broken, remember?

I just want to smell your skin one last time, tease you about your cologne, hug you, tug on your ear, make fun of your whiteness, and how you get all your redness from the sun instead of from a suntan bottle, sleep at your house with the cold AC, and wear your cool CK pants to sleep. I will miss all of that so very much!

I'm sorry that I was such a jerk and that I never showed you how much I loved you. I remember when you told me more than once to let go and let you love me. I never listened and kept my stupid guard up. I'm sorry! I will always have our shooting stars to remind me of all our happy times. Do you want to know what my last wish was? I wished that I would never be dumb enough to let you go, but I did! I'm so sorry.